Happy Birthday to my little sister!
We don’t even bother with real ages anymore.
We just add the two digits together.
Linda is 12 today.
(And next week I will be 14.)
They say that age is just a number.
And your method of arithmetic is the key.
The great thing about this system?
No matter how old we get.
We will never be adults!
Which is damned good.
Because proper behavior is not in our future.
She looks innocent, doesn’t she?
Well, that’s just for show.
She takes after both her grandmothers.
And they were hellions.
Our mother’s mother. Gertrude Pisaturo.
Looks pretty sweet with yours truly.
But she had her wild side.
Once she was waiting in line with my grandfather at the supermarket, and a particularly large woman was in front of them.
Nonni said: “Qui e questa materassa?”
(Literally: “Who is this mattress?”)
The mattress in question replied:
“Stai attenta! Io capisco.”
(“Watch it! I can understand you!”)
My grandfather was mortified: “Mannaggia!”
He could be a very intimidating guy.
But he was powerless to control Gertrude.
I’m sure all husbands can relate.
Sometimes Nonni would direct her anger against a public figure.
In such cases, she had a favorite term of abuse:
“He really wet the bed!”
How we kids would laugh!
When we heard that kind of language, we figured she was one of us.
But my father’s mother really took the cake.
(Seen here with Auntie Millie DeFronzo, who is on the left).
I mean, do these look like demure women to you?
Whenever my grandmother wanted to express her displeasure, she would use the following expression: “Your sister’s ass!”
As in: “Your sister’s ass I will!”
Or: “Your sister’s ass you will!”
My grandfather was mortified: “Jesu Christe!”
He was in the Army.
But they don’t give you training for that battle plan.
I am afraid that my sister is starting to take after these women.
In her young age.
In particular, she is using extremely bad language about certain political figures.
I am very concerned.
But, hey, it is her birthday!
Out of control.
I would say so.
Most spoiled in the family?
On the planet?
In the universe?
I wouldn’t bet against her.